First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
