I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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