Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
