this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
