you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
