She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
