I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
