did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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