The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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