So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize