Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
