nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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