I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
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Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
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Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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