Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
