I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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