if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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