yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
