I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
