and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
