it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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