dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize