she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
