The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
