Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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