Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
