I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
