Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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