He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
