i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
