Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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