It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
