I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
