I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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