I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
