If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Randomize
