John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
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Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
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Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
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