So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
