i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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