Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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