I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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