so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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