this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
