I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
