Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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