She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm determined to sit on that face.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
