I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
