um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
