What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
