I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He better not be in your backpack
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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