Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i love accidental penises.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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