Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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