last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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