Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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