i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
BRING THE BAGELS
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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