i was born a porn star she said
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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