He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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