It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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