I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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