I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
But break dance skills will only take you so far
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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