We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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