what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm like, not good at living.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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