I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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