a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
