what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
