He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
